Turning psychotic neurotic means I need a job

13 Oct

Eeek! As I chastised my long-suffering husband for “wiping the crumbs off the granite in the wrong way” I realised I probably need to get back in the real world, get a real job and get a sense of perspective.

It’s not that I don’t work. I do. Not only do I do all the mumsy stuff: to-ing and fro-ing kids to school, swimming, back n’ forth from playdates and parties, I also do all the cleaning, shopping, cooking and even hold down the remnants of a sort of journalistic career.

So far, so average. But what’s tipped me over the edge I fear, is that after 3 years of working by myself, for myself, I’ve hit an impasse – not the first woman to do this by any means, but it’s hit me rather by surprise I must admit.

As my children slowly become embroiled in full time education, I’m left with the ‘freelance career’ that used to fill the gaps in between sporadic childcare, but which now seems an odd dead end. I’m lucky to get enough work to get by but not lucky (talented?!) enough to yet get a proper career from a column or book etc. So I find myself in unchartered waters career-wise. Quite odd for a girl who for the best part of the last 20 years has defined herself by her career – well in my own head at least.

So the psychotic neurotic temperament has slowly grown to the point where the poor old hubs gets short shrift for misplaced crumbs, the cleaning takes on a weird priority and daily meals become a focal point to fixate on conjuring up the perfect family scene.

To worry about or do these things is not in itself an issue of course, but to fixate on them is. The road to bored housewife must surely be paved with lack of fulfilment. Meaningful things to do where you feel valued for who you are in a professional capacity – not as a mum, cleaner, cook or wife – must be key to that.

So here begins the search for the next chapter in my life. Full-time mum, full-ish time worker. Lets’ see what happens. Any tips welcome.

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One Response to “Turning psychotic neurotic means I need a job”

  1. kate cleaver October 13, 2013 at 7:41 pm #

    what you are going through is NORMAL..in my opinion anyway. I’m a trained journalist who really, really wanted to be great. What actually happened is that I had 3 fantastic sons, who grabbed my heart and soul for 15 years – and we travelled for my husband’s work – which was all wonderful but a world away from full time work. I did some freelance in-between and missed it.
    Then 9 years ago I got divorced and have made monumental efforts to find well paid work ever since. (note the financial priority instead of journalistic!)
    Recently a hardworking ‘successful’ travel journo told me I was lucky to have reinvented myself as a PR/Communications officer type – as all the women he knew who’d forgone family and made it to section heads on nationals were now out-dated..That felt good..
    This probably does not help you but – why not write the book now?? You could make a deliberate effort to put the laptop down among the crumbs and just start!

    Best
    Kate

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